5 More Dating Mistakes
We couldn’t cover them all in one dating mistakes video!
By Bela Gandhi, Dating and Relationship Expert
I’ve been a dating and relationship coach at Smart Dating Academy since 2009, and I’ve counseled thousands of people on finding love. Dating today can be full of confusion no matter your age. Here are another five common mistakes men and women make in dating:
1) Disclosing too much information in the beginning
We often feel that to be honest, we have to “put it all out there.” We share all of our divorce minutiae, our prescription medicines, previous illnesses and all of our “issues,” to give the other person enough data to decide whether we are “fit to date.” This couldn’t be further from the truth. A good relationship will bloom slowly (like a good bottle of wine!), and—remember this fact always — people need to earn your story. They don’t get it up front just for asking. Always start with finding easy, light things to connect on, and as your relationship progresses over weeks and months, you can talk about the deeper (or darker) truths of your past. We all have issues and baggage, and the first dates are not the place for those. Remember, they need to earn your story.
2) Letting the first dates go on too long
Studies have shown that after two hours, most human beings lose attention, even if the date is going great. As much as possible, put time frames on your dates. A cocktail and appetizer is a great date, from 6 pm to 7:30 pm, for example. Or going for lunch or brunch on the weekend. Even if the date is going exceptionally well, remember to keep them wanting more. If you continue to hang out together for hours and hours, you run many different risks like having too many drinks or disclosing too much information because you’re feeling so comfortable. Remember, slow and steady will usually win the race.
3) Starting the date with a handshake
In the “#MeToo” era, both men and women are looking for a new normal for how to handle themselves in dating situations. The best thing to do is start a date with a hug, not a handshake. A handshake is perfectly acceptable in a business meeting — but on a date, it can be a mistake because it may set a “professional” tone. You’re looking to make a personal connection — so give a hug that you’d give a good friend and you’ll be in good shape. If you’re not sure how this person would feel, you can say, “I’m a hugger, would that be OK?” This will show that you’re respectful and warm!
4) Being on too many sites and apps at the same time
A very common mistake people make is being on more than two dating sites or apps at the same time. I’ve seen it cause dating fatigue and even dating ADHD! Singles have come to me on eight, nine, or even ten different sites — and I slim it down quickly to one or two. It’s nearly impossible to focus when you’re on too many sites, and that leads to frustration and discouragement. At Smart Dating Academy (www.smartdatingacademy.com), we will pick one big site for our clients to be on, and then spend 15 to 30 minutes per day on this site, sending just a targeted number of messages. We choose different sites for different people, based upon age, location, etc. So make sure you do your research as to what is best for you.
5) Bringing work or a dark cloud from the day to your date
Many people go straight from work to date to make their days more efficient, but this can be a big mistake if you have a stressful job. If you carry your work home with you mentally, it’s a very good idea to create a dating ritual. Go home from work a bit early, so you can shower, freshen up and wash the day off of you. Play some music, pour your favorite drink, change your clothes (have a dating wardrobe), so that you put yourself in dating mode. For women, that could be putting on something that makes you feel pretty (some bright lipstick or a great pair of shoes), and for men, looking dapper will always help to boost your confidence. Make sure you do whatever makes you feel best on your date to really shine brightly for your date and for you!
If you found these tips helpful, you’ll definitely want to learn the “7 Clues That You Are Dating a Narcissist!” Narcissists are common in the dating pool and you should know how to avoid them at all costs! Click HERE for a tip sheet.
For more information about Bela Gandhi, Dating and Relationship Expert, click HERE.