Rev Up Your Summer Love
Summer is a special time for find or rediscover love -- both for singles and couples.
By Bela Gandhi, dating and relationship expert, founder of Smart Dating Academy and a weekly media correspondent
Summer is a special time for find or rediscover love — both for singles and couples. If you’re single, this Sunday, 7/7 will be the busiest online dating day of the summer, as predicted by industry giant, Match.com. And, for those of us in relationships, there is no better time that the heat of summer to put some sizzle back into your relationship. Whether you’re looking for love or in love, here are four tips that we give our clients at Smart Dating Academy to find or rekindle your love!
If you’re single….
1) Put yourself online! There are over 110 million singles in the US, and even if 50% of them are online, that’s a pool of over 50 million to choose from. Make sure you’ve got a great set of photos (5-6 of them), great profile text, and be on 1-2 dating sites or apps.
2) Talk on the phone before the date! When you’re selecting someone, chat with them on the phone first — sometimes people are so different in person than they are while texting back and forth. Talking on the phone can screen out crazies and build some chemistry as well! Makes it much less awkward if you’ve talked first! If someone seems very negative or gives you bad vibes, feel free to say ‘no’ to the date.
3) Screen people in! Change your philosophy from screening people out, to trying to screen them in! Screen out red flags right away, but if someone seems fun, easy to talk to, nice and normal — keep them in your dating pool because chemistry can strike after 2, 3, 4, 5, or more dates! Doesn’t have to be instant!
4) Have active dates! Summer is a great time of year to have active dates. Activity creates adrenaline/dopamine which makes you more attracted to someone. You can go to amusement parks, go biking, or my favorite, talk a walk around a great place or new neighborhood with some coffee or your favorite drink in hand. Walking does great things — because there are so many ‘cues’ and things happening around you that can help the flow of conversation! Also, walking next to each other helps you have more intimate conversations — because when you’re not staring into the eyes of a stranger, you can often feel more comfortable (it’s kind of like spilling your guts to a total stranger on an airplane. Happens easily because you are parallel and not direct)!
If you have a partner….
1) Embrace with a 30 second hug. Instill the practice of the 30 second hug — or we call it ‘the melting hug’. Because it’s longer, it helps to build happiness and connection by releasing Oxycontin – which is the attachment hormone. Longer hugs make you feel connected and happy. This is important especially for women — because if you feel emotionally close, the physical spark can light back up as well!
2) Leave your comfort zone. After many months or years together, most couples have their favorite ‘comfort’ spots for dinner, and things they like to do together, which is nice, but can lead to a ‘rut.’ Instead, do something NEW together that you’re both excited about. Maybe it’s dance lessons, golf lessons, planning a trip to a new place. Doing new things together again can create a little excitement and adrenaline, making you have fun and feel like you’re dating again!
3) Plan date night with an agenda! Have a date night where you have a specific agenda (that mindfully LEAVES out daily minutiae about work, kids, etc). An agenda can be creating a five year FUN PLAN of fun things you want to do together. You should come out with a list of ten things! The agenda should be something positive to rekindle your connection to each other and to having fun.
4) Say three nice things to each other per day. So often, we forget to appreciate what our partners do for us. Mindfully shoot to say 3 nice things to your partner every day — could be about something they do for you, the way they look, anything! We all need to hear nice things — and this practice will make a big difference in keeping your love alive and not taking each other for granted.
Let me know what you think. Better yet, drop your dating and relationship questions for Bela in the comments.