I’ve been around the block a few times. I done made mistakes, took the wrong exits, drove down some one-way streets, and ran outta gas more than once in this thing called love. But if there’s one thing I know for sure—it’s that asking the right questions on the FRONT end can save you a whole lot of heartbreak on the BACK end.

See, people out here dating like they shopping at the flea market. No strategy. No questions. Just pickin’ up anything that shine. And then when it fall apart after 90 days, they sit there confused. Naw. We ain’t doin’ that no more.

If you sittin’ across from somebody, and you ain’t askin’ these real-deal, no-chaser, cut-through-the-fake-stuff questions… you wasting your OWN time.

1. What do you value most in a relationship?

If they can’t answer this without blinking… you already got your answer. Some folks don’t even know what they want, let alone what they value. You gotta make sure y’all even on the same field, let alone playin’ the same game.

2. What quality is most attractive to you in a partner?

If they say, “somebody who look good,” you need to run like you see a snake. Attraction ain’t just about looks. It’s about spirit. It’s about energy. It’s about how they treat you when they mad.

3. What is your relationship like with your parents?

Baby, this gon’ tell you EVERYTHING. If they call their mama every Sunday, love her to death, and respect her? That’s a green flag. If they ain’t spoke to nobody in their family since ’09… well, lemme sip my tea.

4. What are your long-term goals?

See… goals gotta line up. You can’t be out here with a jetsetter mindset and you dating somebody whose biggest ambition is a three-day weekend.

5. Name three things you’d like to have in common with your partner.

If they can’t name three things… they probably ain’t ready for no real relationship. ‘Cause it’s the common stuff that keeps you connected when life get real.

6. What makes you laugh?

Man, listen. If y’all can’t laugh together, you ain’t got a chance. Life hard enough without somebody sittin’ next to you lookin’ like they at a funeral every day.

7. What is one thing you won’t tolerate in a relationship?

If they say, “I don’t know”—you better know for them. Set your standards, baby. And don’t apologize for ’em.

8. What is your biggest strength and weakness?

A person who can’t admit a weakness is dangerous. ’Cause they gon’ blame YOU every time something go wrong.

9. Are you family-oriented?

If they say, “Kinda”… that’s a no. And if they say, “What’s that?”—BLOCK.

10. How do you spend your downtime?

’Cause how they spend their free time tell you a lot about who they really are. Netflix is cute… but do they read? Do they dream? Or is they just scrollin’?

11. What do you believe is your worst quality?

A person who says they ain’t got one… they lying. We all got one. Or two. Or five.

12. Are you a grudge holder?

Lemme tell you—some of y’all out here dating people who still mad about their ex from 2003. You don’t want that energy in your life.

13. What is the longest relationship you’ve been in and why did it end?

If they tell you, “It ended ’cause they was crazy,” and they done said that about every ex? Guess what, boo? The crazy one might actually be them.

14. For what in life do you feel the most grateful?

This one gon’ let you peek into their soul. If they grateful for the little things? That’s gold right there. If they only mention material stuff? Well… you decide.

Look, I ain’t sayin’ this gon’ make dating easy. But it’s gon’ make it CLEAR. Stop wasting time on folks who ain’t built for you. Start askin’ these questions early—like first-date early.

Stop waitin’ ’til you six months in to find out they allergic to commitment and broke in six ways. Ask up front, baby. Life too short for trial and error when you can get clarity in the first hour.

I love y’all. Stay sharp. And remember—if they can’t handle these questions… they ain’t ready for YOU.

– Steve Harvey