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Featured Relationships

Steve’s Updated 14 Questions Every Woman Should Ask on a First Date

As the CLO - Chief Love Officer, I want to help women out there find love.

As the CLO – Chief Love Officer, Steve Harvey wants to help women out there find love. So here are 14 questions every woman should ask on a first date.

14 Questions Every Woman Should Ask on the 1st Date










10. HOW DO YOU SPEND YOUR DOWNTIME? (The older you are, the more important this is. This gives insight to income, without asking that and putting the man off, but make sure it is funded by credit card debt.)





Did I inspire you?  Check out match.com or eharmony.com and get dating.

44 Comment

Join the discussion and tell us your opinion.

  1. 1. Trust, Honesty, Respect and Good Sense of Humor not boring.

    2. Trustworthy, loving, caring, and strong foundation.

    3. My father passed. My mom when we do not live together due to controlling and overbearing at times.

    4. Financially-Secured and Living Life to the fullest in everything we do free of chaos.

    5. Trust, Communication/Listening Skills, and Compassion.

    6. Comedy films; stunts such as SNL, funny faces; Comedians such as Colbert, Leno.

    7. Dishonesty – lies – cover-up.

    8. Strength: Too many to list – Main Strength is Problem-Solver. Weakness is patience.

    9. Somewhat.

    10. 50/50. Financially secured and not struggle as a couple. No hiding things from each other or unexpected surprises.

    11. High strong.

    12. Usually not. What bothers me is when justice is not served accordingly.

    13. 15 years – ended because of the daily Physical and Verbal Abuse. Overcame Victim of Domestic Violence.

    14. My Health and trying to Living Life to the Fullest with what I have.

    1. I’m Single. . For 9 years .I’ll be 60 years old next March. I have tried some dating on line paid my money for 3 months. That did not work . Start going out around people more in the Community that don’t work . I’m not a Club person. I work, Volunteer in my Community, Usher at my Church. I’m a widow . Love to have fun . Travel . Out doors. Concerts . Plays. Bowling. Just have decided that I’m ready for a Relationship. Where is my Mate ? Everyone here that approach me is either Married, are in a Relationship, trying to have more than one person and do not know what a woman is worth. I’m single because I can’t play their games. But now I’m lonely. I want to show how My Heart is full of Love for that right Male that Godly Man .

      1. Heya…that’s quite unfortunate..though but you gotta know all isn’t lost or over

  2. Thank you Steve. As a single woman at age 62 I find these very helpful. I haven’t gone on a date in many years, however, I am often
    asked out. When I do I will have the right questions.

    1. I agree with your 1st date questions because a person can learn a lot and will avoid beening hurt whie getting to know a man because with out it you will never know that person

    Within a relationship, the attributes that I value most are honesty, integrity, openness, by openness I’m saying that He is willing to be vulnerable to and with me. Maturity. Empathy. The ability to be affectionate.

    The quality that is most attractive within a partner for me is that he is dedicated/loyal/trustworthy.

    My relationship with my parents is very loving, giving, and endearing, everything to me. Means the world to me.

    My long term goals are to have someone to share my life, my time with within what I call the final act, retirement, travel, marriage, before the
    epilogue of my life.

    The three things that I would like for my life partner and I to have in common are, to have a viable/faithful relationship with God, our values, and compassion for others.

    What makes me laugh, family time, hanging with my woman friends/ hanging out, sharing dinner, a movie.

    I will not tolerate dishonesty within my relationship.

    My biggest strength is that I’m Loyal and my weakness is that I’m too giving of my heart.

    I’m absolutely family oriented.

    I spend my downtime, relaxing, doing whatever it is that I want to do, be it an evening out with friends, curled up on the sofa with a fun read, sleeping, listening to music, watching a movie, going to dinner and a movie alone, going shopping, sleeping, pampering myself, and I want to travel more.

    My worst quality would be that in the past I stayed too long, too loyal, in relationships that were not good for and to me.

    I’m absolutely not a grudge holder. Never have been, or will I ever be a grudge holder.

    My longest relationship was to be for 4years before I ended the relationship. The relationship ended for I had no desire to continue to give more of me to someone who was not worthy of me continuing to give him the best of me.

    I feel the most grateful for God’s Love, Grace, and Tender Mercies that are given to me daily by God. God has loved and forgiven me through the storms of my life. That I know how I am supposed to be loved because of Gods love and teachings, life lessons have taught me.

  4. I’ve dated a guy for a little mire than six months, and was seeing one another prior to that for more than 6 years. I love him so much, but I know my worth and don’t feel like he prioritizes our relationship as he does his friends and family. We’ve been through a lot, and life’s too short for this mess. I don’t understand why is it so hard to be with a honest man who wants nothing but honesty,love,and dedication.

  5. Hello Mr. Steve, these are some very good questions. I’m 53 and having trouble with dating or even meeting the right guy. I got tired of putting my heart out there only to get stomp on or used so i put dating and love on the back burner but not I’m wanting to give it another try but with your help. I have adult children and a grandmother of 2 and the ones I seem to meet or try to get to know are about games and i don’t have time for that. Steve, help me with dating or even finding love again. Thank you

  6. Steve, you never say that Rubin has a wife. I am 4-10 1/2 and a prize catch at 68. He is handsome, agile and a sharp dresser. Yes, I am out of the box too. I retired 2 years ago as a director of nursing and was brought back a month later as education/ clinical reviewer director.

    1. Good sound advice. !

  7. Hello Steve, I’m 51 and having trouble meeting the right man. I have been hurt in the past but have let it go and has moved on. My children are adults and have there own lives. I have 1 granddaughter. I must admit I have demanding jobs and very busy at times. If I meet the right man, I would be willing to make time. There is someone I have been interested in for years and you are the only person that can get this message to him. If he is not interested, I still would like your assistance.
    Thank you for your time.

  8. Five years ago I lost my husband of 43 years..I went back into depression and wanted God to take me too.. he was the only man I ever new I thought my life was over…in my sixties now what… God promised me something new and better.
    In a matter of 6 Months..my oldest daughter got cancer, me y mother died, two .months after that my husband died,
    My two oldest grandchildren were very close to him and were lost.
    The oldest got in with the wrong kids and became an addict is In rehab now.
    My daughter is now cancer free. We ve been thru a lot…I have not lost hope I know I am blessed.. but I feel all alone and want someone of my own..
    I met someone on line and we fell in love
    My daughter doesn’t want me with him and thinks I’m being scammed again. I’m not I flew out to Colorado springs to meet him he’s real….I do send him money I know I shouldn’t it’s too help with his groceries all his money goes on getting things ready for us to ect. A year ago I found out I have cancer, he knows and calls me everyday to encourage me
    He still wants me and believes I’m going
    To make it I do to….he is waiting for me.
    I’m supposed to fly out a gain when I m strong enough..I’m doing good and want to go soon…I haven’t seen the house that should be built by now which is important to me to see…I was wondering if you be could help me with this to prove to my kids he’s real…
    He’s my Godly man… Also not that it matters but I wanted a black man my late husband was white as myself I loved him but we had lots of hard times he was a heavy drinker….I want everything different this time…we are 10 years age difference… He tells me it’s only a number…. I want to feel loved and appreciated he knows I am a good woman and can make him happy…. We both are Christian which is very be important to me….I am 69 and still have a young heart I will beat the cancer with Gods help…. God is not done with me yet
    This I know….I still have work to do for the Lord….so would you please help me with my long distance realationship…I know he s not after my money I am retired and don’t have any….Bless you Mr Harvey….

  9. Hey, Steve. I’m puzzled. What do you mean by making sure one’s downtime is “funded by credit card debt?” — Thank you. — Kathy L.

  10. Hello Uncle Steve, For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a fan of yours and would love to be an audience member on your show. Years ago, I called in to a radio show contest and won two (2) front row seat tickets to see you perform at the Memorial Auditorium in Chattanooga, TN, enjoyed the show and laughed so much, by the end my voice became hoarse.

    You have continued to expand/evolve and help others build their brand. There’s a few things i’d like and appreciate your guidance/advice, one would be to have you find three (3) eligible single bachelors interested in meeting an attractive, energetic, down-to-earth, 5’6 (w/o heels) –
    240 pd (don’t look it-at least that’s what they tell me) 54 year old, divorcee, who hasn’t dated nor been out on a date in about 15 years or longer.

    The other two (2) things are entrepreneur-ships and patents for separate ideas both my son and I have created and more ideas keep coming to mind but we need direction (some hand holding – coaching/mentoring) from you, Steve. Will you please help us to make our ideas a reality, build our brand and share our legacy.

  11. I’ve been trying really hard to encourage my Mom to date. She’s 75 years old and really attractive. She often gets noticed by men much younger and near her age. She never remarried after divorcing Dad when me and my sis were kids decades ago, and hasn’t dated much, turned down a proposal. I’ve tried with online dating for her, but it’s not been successful with finding suitable guys who are consistent. How can I help her get back out there and dating?

  12. Hello Steve. I’m in a dilemma. I’m 68 years old. Very active and live on my own. I’ve dated a man since 2016 but he wants to only be friends. I can say I love him and I know he’s not good for me but it’s difficult to leave. I met another nice guy and he wants the same type of relationship. I drew the line with him, “no committed relationship no cookies”. He’s strill trying to influence me by learning and joining my pass time events but he’s not creative in dating. He just wants to come over. NOT. I’m a retired officer that swims, dance and play cards regularly. I enjoy life to the fullest but I hear men say “I can’t handle that” and “she’s high maintenance”. I believe, they’re insecure and I don’t need them type anyway. However, I would like a companion. Signed, Less years in front of me.

  13. Im sixty six years young. I am a widow of 14 years. How do I meet a nice man. I would like companionship. I’m scared of dating sites. If you have any ideas I’m willing to try them. Thank you in advance. I love watching your shows. I am also proud of all your accomplishments.

  14. I’m sorry but these are not good first date questions at all! You want to have fun on a first date not ask them a million annoying questions as if they’re on a job interview. I would even be annoyed if a first date was asking me all of these questions… I would be thinking why does it matter I’m never going to see you again anyway, stalker.

  15. Mr. Harvey.. I’m 64 years old & I’ve been dating this 55 years old man that live with his Mom after separation from his wife yes for 8 months… I love him,he have told me in the 3rd month he love me….Now I didn’t go thru your 14 questions ..he a good man with his children & Mom & separate still…said he wife came & said she want divorce after 2 or 3 years wait due to no money.. but I feel like its all les..I nee some answer where he going with me & should I leave..because we’ve broken up twice already

  16. Hi Steve I need your help. For the past 24 years I have been in an on and off relationship with my ex husband. He will leave get a new relationship and when it doesn’t work come back to me. We have been divorced since 2010 and it happened again this year January. He left got in a new relationship and is now married. I feel like such a fool for allowing this man to treat me this way. I need help because I know that this not a good relationship. Please help me I know this is disfunctional and wants it to stop. I NEED YOUR HELP PLEASE!!!! This is very devastating for me!! HELP ME BREAK THIS CYCLE

  17. On question 10, did you intend to say: …make sure it is NOT funded by credit card debt?

  18. While these are all good questions. I too think theses are not for the first date. Your first date may answer these questions without you ever popping these questions. Just watch and listen to your first date. Also, the first date needs to answer these questions in behavioral terms meaning give specific detailed examples like sure I hold a grudge like when I put sand down my ex’s gas tank. Need more than a yes or no answer. Or ask has anyone told you that you hold grudges. Who and why. Define family oriented or really define a lot of words in questions. Maybe ask first date define family oriented. Get to nitty gritty. You say you get along with your mother is that what she says and why. When was the last time you saw your mom and for how long. Get the message?

  19. Hi Steve, I was in a 15 year relationship that ended up he cheated and even moved her in with him. I am 57 years old and have been single for 2 years now. I have dated but they all seem to play games. I am going to use your questions from now on and continue to PRAY for God to send me my Soulmate!! Thanks Steve

  20. Very profound and.insightful. Will apply them on my first date. Eye opener

  21. Hello Steve I’m a 34 year old single mother of 4 daughters and I have been in and out of relationships for the past 12 years all my girls have different fathers and I have been sort of a dummy for men. I was raped as a child for many years, and the older I became I realize that’s why I can’t trust men. I need some advice on how to move on from this and just live my life, I be scared because I have all girls now and I don’t ever want them to go through what I did. I just need to know how to know if he is for me and how to trust him round my girls and make him apart of our lives???

  22. Hey Steve,
    I like the questions to be asked on the first date. I need to test them. However it has been a challenge to find someone to ask me on a date. The ones that show interest are either too young or married. Tried dating a few years back but the guy, few years younger, was just a LIAR. I am 55, was married for 12 years , divorced 15 years, have an adopted son, age 13. No prospect in my church, do not go to a lot of events alone , always with my son. Live in Jamaica.
    Any tip will help.

  23. Hey Steve tell the Men and Women out there to get a Great Book Called “How to find a Date Worth Keeping”. It specifically helps you get busy and do certain things to cultivate a dating life, how to meet people, where to find them and many other good things . It is written by Two Christian Pyschologists

  24. Steve
    I really need your help to find a good man. I am 60 years young, was married for 25 years, I divorced his lying, cheating behind! Am alone now for 6 years. Am ready to meet someone special but I don’t socialize much, so my chances are limited. Tried online, but it is not long before the men get to asking me for money. The black men on the sites tell me they want white women! So what is a girl to do? I am an intelligent, articulate, honest, independent woman. I just need a travel buddy so we can go places together, a companion to wake up with in the mornings. Am tired of looking at the ceiling and watching TV by myself. Please help me find the right man.

  25. Very helpful questions here. Thank you Steve.

  26. Greetings : Thank you for the questions..They are very interesting..I am a single Christian young man that would like to meet a nice young lady for a lasting relationship , but I dont know how to do it.

  27. Hello Steve, my name is Caroline and am in Ghana, 28 years old and I’m single.and would like to meet a good young guy, between the age of 30- 40 for lasting relationship.please help me out.

  28. Steve, you are simply best.

  29. Greetings, i am a single mother of 3 children. Sadly they do not live with me but i love when they are here with me during my visitations. I have been single since 2013 as i dont feel i have anything i can offer a man. I have friends who think i am funny, witty and just a nice person to be around. I am motherly and caring. But i dont feel those qualities outweigh my bad. I have a disability, one that will progress more and more as i age plus i am overweight. I feel all i can offer to a man is a life of servitude because of my disabilities and limits with my walking frame and such. The closest i have come to even the idea or hint of a relationship is online with a man for the last 8 years but there is one catch, he has a partner already, so there is no real hope there even after asking him to choose, he still wont or too scared too. Bsides that he lives in Texas and ilive in Australia. I watch your shows daily since i am house bound, i have looked at your motivational youtubes and love you in Family Fued Africa. Thank you for being the good role model you are, and i hope one day i can say my 2 boys have the same respect you do for life and women in general. Take care during this Covid times Mr Harvey and my best to you and your family.

  30. I been married twice my first husband died and 5 yrs later mat someone 2008 started talking we finally got together 2011 I move to his city n 2013 got my own apartment finally we move n together n 2014 got marry 2015 we r now divorced n 2019 he told me about his past history and while I was working he had started back to using drug he said he was 25 yrs clean and he new how I felt about drug i don’t have no records with the law and then when I made up my mind to leave is when he abandoned me n another city I had to caught the bus home I got my own apt where I live now when I told my daughter what that happen later she start packing she came and brought a u haul he has been trying to get back with me and that’s BIG NO NO was I so wrong to leave so fast

  31. I need to understand why so many young guys are pursuing me when there is no encouragement from me. I don’t believe in dating younger men as I am a Mother of a grown son and Grandmother of a college graduated young man. I’ve made it very clear I have no interest nor desire to date young men as I am not a cougar. The latest person pursuing me is 27 years my junior!! He’s self sufficient, employed, owns his own real estate but I’m still not interested. I’ve been doing everything to discourage him from pursuing me as recently asking for his STD testing paperwork, which he took as an insult. I’ve been an avid believer in people protecting themselves as there are illnesses that will actually kill you if you’re being footloose and fancy free with multiple sex partners. I’m not the one for him and hope he will get a hint to protect himself before jumping in bed with any body, not that I know that’s what he does on a regular basis. I’ve chosen to keep the three best friends I have who are Me, Myself and I. We don’t fight over TV programs, the remote nor when we decide to go out!!! Maybe this information being shared might help some one else!!

  32. Hey Steve, I am 59 year old female been married divorced women for 30 years now a single woman looking for companion. To hold my hand take walks, go out to dine etc..I’m very easy going enjoy laughing and having fun with my mate. Steve I most admit that I really enjoy people and most people like me , I guess you could say that. I’m a people person, I enjoy church from the time i was a little pup, I from North Carolina love the outdoors & Fish Frys Family gatherings life before the pandemic of course . This man I seperate which was the best thing in my life. I have three childeren and enjoy being a grandmother of 11 and one on the way due in 3weeks the ‘Prince’ of my babies (grandchilderen) I have three grown childeren. I work fulltime and find myself bored needing a friend and good companion that don’t mind me talking at time (lonely heart) can’t seem to find the righthappy go lucky type that wants love can receive and share a good loving mom,sister,and friend campion . Steve & Marjee I dream of being on the Show One Day!
    Thanks for listening

  33. Halle Steve, I am a single mother with two daughters 16 and 6 years old and I have married and also divorced ones but I truly tryed my life to have a good relationship. My kids have different fathers to be clear.
    I’m an Ethiopian living in Germany with my kids of course. I really don’t know what to do

  34. Hi Steve I haven’t dated since 2012 … I’m 62 years old … I would love to go out on a date … but nearly every man I meet is married or have a girl friend… or just not up to my standards… I have the wrong ones wanting to talk to me. I love to be active… I to exercise, I like the movies, I like to dance.. and cook… travel.. just love the beach. I’m nafraid of meeting people on the internet. I would love to date… can you give me some advice?

  35. Hello my name is Martell, my lady just just started a job on Friday and it was okay in the beginning when she mentioned one guy but she talks about this guy everyday since she started and it’s been four days every night she comes home, she has something to say about him last night kind of Drew the line for me and she spoke of howe intelligent he is ,which is fine and she goes on about how much she like the way he confronts there supervisors about different matters concerning there work, and how she likes talking to him because she learns from him and he learns from her, he’s much younger than my lady and things at home to this point was great,sex, communication, financialy, we have a lot of fun, and we do a lot together and both have great jobs,so why am I feeling some kind of way, and what shii do?

  36. Hey Steve. I have a question. My husband has a bad habit of interrupting me when I’m telling him something.
    A friend of mine died yesterday and I was telling him about how this person used to be with a girl I went to school with who was best friends with a friend of mine whom he knows. As I’m recounting the story we drive by a building that has been a mystery for years. As we drive by he comments that he thinks people live there but he doesn’t get what the deal is with that building. He probably says something similar most times we drive by.
    I was annoyed because he cut me off and interrupted what I was saying for no good reason so I didn’t continue the story and said never mind.
    He asked who I think I am that he can’t make an observation when I’m telling him something. I said that most people would be insulted in that situation. Am I wrong?

  37. Dear steve i am an 57 year black lady and i am looking for a relationship i have guys ask for my number and we may talk 1 time on the phone casual talk how are you and etc. than i dont hear back no more than i had another ask and never call i always was told i was a pretty lady i have my own i work attends church dont sleep around very independent and this guy i really like but i dont know what im doing wrong my nephews says its not me some mens dont like an stronge independent woman Can you please give me some pointers

  38. Hey Steve, you never told what a man should ask a woman on the first date. I would appreciate it, if you let us now??

  39. Hey Steve, you never told what a man should ask a woman on the first date. I would appreciate it, if you let us now??
    I have certain standards as a man I learnt a lot watching your videos. It would be helpful if you help me out here please

  40. Steve Sir this is Valene here I am looking forward to meeting some interesting people on your show Please help me on this I am 32 years old

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