I have a set of twins, my daughters graduated from Ohio State. I’ll tell you how cheap I was… I went to the school and asked for a discount 😁Can I get 15% off? I’m bringing two kids 😆🤣The school said no, I flipped a coin and told my daughters… heads, you go… tales you go.. They start crying talking about I thought we were going to school together. I SAID YOU IDENTICAL TWINS, you go to class one day… you go the next 😁😆🤣I can’t do it!
My daughter texts me WYD… I look at my phone, I’m like what is a whattie? 😂😁🤣I didn’t know what that was, all I could think about was all the money I spent on private school and my daughter can’t even spell 😂😁🤣I found out what it meant… What the hell you mean, what am I doing? I’M AT WORK 😂😁🤣Stop texting me in the middle of the day! I’m WORKING!!
I keep telling my kids “STOP LEAVING YOUR KIDS OVER HERE” 😁🤣One of my grandkids wanted to watch cartoons, I wanted to watch SportsCenter. You should’ve seen me trying to tell her that it was a commercial after watching highlights for 20 minutes 😁🤣😂I just be lying to them, my wife gets so mad.
A lot of people ask how did I go from radio to TV. Well, radio almost didn’t happen 😁😂🤣and my man Cedric The Entertainer and I did ‘The Steve Harvey Show’ back in the ’90s together.
They say I’m the hardest working man in show business but believe it or not… I can’t even get a bottle of water 😆😁🤣 I love my crew but you be the judge about how they feel about me based on this bottle of water. 😆😁🤣
“Steve Harvey for President.” I appreciate that but I’ve already told you I ain’t gonna pass the background check 😂🤣😁
By the time they start digging up my past… 😂🤣😁Ain’t no way in hell you are going to vote for me! If you pull my school transcripts we are going to have a problem, if you pull my credit score, we are going to have a problem. We got another problem, I’ve had 4 social security numbers 😂🤣😁
Yeah, I’d rather not run for president… it ain’t gone work out for me.
You should already know where this is going by the title 😂😁🤣 ‘My daughter’s first date.’ This guy is probably still scared of me and this was her junior prom 😂😁🤣Guess what I told him …
My wife told me to watch my mouth around the grandkids. I guess I should’ve listened to Marjorie 😂😁🤣My grandson Noah tried to repeat a cussword after hearing me on the phone but he left out a few letters 😂😁🤣
I tried to stop cussing at the beginning of the year, my teeth started hurting, I had headaches… man cussing ain’t for everybody, I respect that but there are just cuss appropriate moments!
How many of you remember the 10-way suit growing up?? 😂😁🤣You could reverse the vest, with the pants, and turn the jacket inside out. Man, I was sharp! Don’t act like I’m the only one who’s parents bought this reversible suit from Sears for their kids at Easter time. 😂😁🤣Well, I loved suits so much as a kid I stole one from a suit store. You know I couldn’t get this past, my parents. Watch what happens next.
When this made headlines, I couldn’t believe it. In high school, my graduating class was 695 people. I graduated 690. 😁😂🤣No one obviously took tests for me, my Momma didn’t have money for that!