Featured Relationships

Bouncing Back From Betrayal

Do you stay or do you ghost?

By Jessica H. Johnson

No matter how great it seems, relationships aren’t always sunshine and rainbows. While we celebrate joy, there are tougher moments that can show you who you’re really dealing with. One of those moments is dealing with betrayal, and navigating your way back to happiness.

It’s unpleasant to think about, but when dealing with another person, there’s a chance that they will cross a line and betray you. Sometimes feelings are hurt, egos bruised, or people are dishonest. The result is everyone sent limping to their separate corners to regroup and heal their wounds. The question is: what comes next? Whether it’s in dating or just in life, when someone you care about disappoints you, we don’t want to admit that the relationship is forever changed. If you value the person, then you have to figure out how to either forgive. If not, then it’s time to move around. Either way, we have some helpful hints to get you back to your best life.

Speak Up!

Despite how tempting it may be to “ghost” someone if they’ve hurt you, it’s quite possible that it was all a huge misunderstanding. Texts get misinterpreted, tones get testy, and sometimes people really do say things they don’t mean. If you can find your voice in a disagreement, you should be able to find it to explain what made things do off the rails. Communication is key. If the person means as much as you say they do and vice versa, Taking time to express how you feel is really the first step to getting back on track.

Manage Your Expectations

You are uniquely you. Your upbringing, education, environment and experiences are things that no one else has. They shape how you interpret and interact with the world around you. Most people cite the similarities between them their friends, and their loves. When we do this, we completely forget that other’s unique upbringings, education, environment and experiences helped shape their worlds. So anytime you have a falling out, have some grace and remember they just may not see things the way that you do and perhaps they never will.

Set Your Boundaries

If what happened is something you simply cannot let go easily, it may be time to evaluate what exactly is the root of your frustration. Was there real malice or is it possible that you were being too sensitive that day? If a line was truly crossed, you may decide to give the offender the benefit of the doubt, but make sure you let them know where things went wrong so they don’t do it again. If you decide that it’s time to turn them loose, make sure that they know why so you don’t have to suffer through awkward phone calls and weird interactions.

Remember, once you’ve been betrayed, it’s 100% your decision on how to handle it. Whatever you decide to do, it’s all about your level of comfort and how you wish to move forward. You get to choose who has a place in your life. Make sure you’re always surrounded by love.

15 Comment

Join the discussion and tell us your opinion.

  1. People know when they cross the line. How much remorse do they have? If they’re sorry for what they did, they’ll take steps to mend the relationship on their end.

  2. Betrayal is an understatement. My spouse continued to cheat to the point that I left the home and the agreed upon counseling didn’t help. It got so bad the mistress threatened me even when my spouse and I decided to try again at repairing our marriage, I got so fed up that I walked away for good. Now I’m bitter and probably will never marry again or at least give the new guy no room for error.

  3. Betrayal is very hurtful. Especially when you are Blind sided..Then the questions start coming..I also think betrayal is so very disrespectful not only to the one that is being betrayed but also to the marriage/relationship.. As we all know marriage vows states: What GOD has form together let no one pull it apart!
    I was married over 3 decades the first thing I thought about when I did find out about the betrayal was, how it would not only affect me, but how it would affect all of my family, children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews etc..our entire union.
    I dont think when people make decisions they dont consider the ripple effect that decision causes!

  4. Betrayal is one of the most hurtful thing that can mold your life forever. I was married at an early age (20) to get out the house from a very strict military father. Not that I didn’t love my husband because I did but I wasn’t ready to marry. I married to get out the house. Basically I jumped right into the fire. My husband was worse than my father. I stayed married to him for 30 years until his death. The marriage was full of physical and mental abuse. I was too ashamed to tell people I was being abused. We had two daughters and to this day they both are in their 40’s and neither are married. I think it’s because of the way I was treated they have trust issues. I’ve always wanted to tell this horror story about this abusive married. I one day want to tell my story through a book. Maybe one day I will.

  5. I was betrayed by a friend. I was very good to this person. I found out they just used me to get comfortable in my department at work. They stepped on me to be popular.. He would send hateful messages to the my co-workers about me and tell them everything I told him in secret. It’s so tough to get over something like this because I was so good to this person. I did not see the betrayal coming.

  6. Commitment is supposed to be a vow from one soul to another, I have seen way to many people get together for all of the wrong reason. Then it does not work, they want to play the injured party. Most people know who they are joining up with, some how they seem to believe that it will be better with them. These people live in fantasy land until reality slaps them into life. This is the reason for taking a reason to getting a person before marriage. Maybe the divorce courts would not be so full. Mr. Harvey, thanks for inspirational comments that you give in the morning on the radio.
    Robin A Farris.

  7. I understa how yhou feel but u hv to 4gv hem to keep gtin ur blessingu will feel so much better

  8. I think betrayal is a killer of relationships. Considering my current challege am going true right now where the lady tells me she just wants a separation without any reason. Forgetting we are in love mean whe is only considerate on what shr want betraying (our love) what we have built in almost three years. I have being trying to get things well but the worse it gets. I don’t know what else to do

  9. Being betrayed is not an easy feeling to get over..I was with someone for over 18years and found out in the ear part of our relationship that he cheated but was blind sided that he was Never faithful to me…Until one day I left him, ooh I did tell u we had a son but to feel unwanted is a terrible feeling..I left him and I don’t think I ever trust again..

  10. I helped my ex get a job after he continually lied and hid things from me I decided to forgive him for the past and help him out because I felt bad for him, so he got a job then met a girl at his job and left me for her, WTF? LMAO do people have any loyalty these days? Just goes to show when you help people you get shitted on, I think forgiveness is overrated. Now my policy is one and done. No one really benefits from forgiveness I think it’s just something that sounds good on talk shows and books but in reality people don’t change and if they do it’s only temporary. I suggest just stop believing in the delusion that people somehow magically change. Or you can fix something. If it’s broke buy a new model.

  11. Sometimes betrayal comes in the form of addiction….you thought you knew this person, until they choose a drug over helping you. They burden you with the consequences of the lies and thievery. The hurt and betrayal that comes from an highly functioning addict just annihilates your whole belief system. Trying to hide your wallet because you never know when they’ll go use and when they’ll take what your trying to build. And the worthlessness you feel from not being able to help them or stop them is overwhelming. Especially, when you didn’t know they were like that………

  12. Betrayal. How do you deal with it when your spouse keeps bringing up his desire to be with an alleged FWB? He wants to bring her into our almost 2 year marriage. It started 6 months into the marriage that he proposed this. Being newly married and believing the vows I said, we talked and I thought it was laid down and gone. I recently discovered that he still speaks to her and, he has asked me again. Same time last year too, Christmas. My heart is broken and I am in disbelief. I dont want to fulfill his fantasy and would not have married him, if I knew it was important to him to have that experience. I thought he was a true Believer in God like me. I left my family, friends, great paying job, hometown of PA to come to WV, and all for this man. I feel sad, stuck, embarrassed and like a fool. I feel like its time to go but also wonder…how do I get back on my feet if I do. I GAVE UP EVERYTHING I HAD! I feel like a failure. I tried to make it work but he wont give up his desire and I wont participate.

  13. I betrayed my boyfriend of nine (9) months. I was caught flirting twice via phone and even sending nude pictures to past relationships. I never physically cheated but talking to these guys, he considered cheating. I am really sorry for hurting him and I’m honestly hoping that we can repair this relationship. I have locked off these guys and want to make us work. What do you guys think?

    1. If you want to make it work , be honest to yourself. If he’s great guy why are you seeking attention from past relationships 🤔 to see if they are missing you… they aren’t they’re only going to use you and it just shows them that if they went back with you , you would be doing the same thing to them. You aren’t ready for a relationship, Enjoy your freedom get it all.out of your system and then when you’re ready pursue a person of interest. Until then you’re only hurting someone who could potentially fall in love with you . Don’t hurt the person who doesn’t deserve it. GOOD LUCK

  14. Kandice,
    I think you have to first ask yourself why you felt the need to do those actions and express that to your husband. You sound remorseful, but it will take a moment to gain his trust back, and be prepared to give him the space. Also, trust God and put him first in your marriage. Praying for you.

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