Dating Tips With Bela Gandhi
Check out Bela's first Steve Harvey digital-exclusive: "Dating Mistakes" Five of The Biggest Mistakes Men and Women Make.
Dating advice is something that I’m known for. I give it to you straight, no chaser. I’ve had a lot of fun on my show with dating segments, and I’m even known as the Chief Love Officer. You’ve seen dating and relationship expert Bela Gandhi on my show many times. I asked Bela to join me on SteveHarvey.com exclusively for dating tips and relationship advice. You’re going to love this!
Check out Bela’s first Steve Harvey digital-exclusive: “Dating Mistakes” Five of The Biggest Mistakes Men and Women Make. Let me know what you think. Better yet, drop your dating and relationship questions for Bela in the comments.
Bela Gandhi is a dating and relationship expert, founder of Smart Dating Academy and a weekly media correspondent. She is the dating expert on the Steve Harvey Show, Relationship Insider for Match.com, a regular contributor to the TODAY Show and Good Morning America, and appears frequently on ABC, NBC, Fox, CNN, and more. To learn more about Bela and how to get your dating on, visit SmartDatingAcademy.com.
Join the discussion and tell us your opinion.
I will want to learn
Excellent that you want to learn, Malang! Stay tuned to all of these advice videos and articles, and you’ll definitely learn a lot. If you want more information, head to our http://www.smartdatingacademy.com as well. Love, Bela
Very informative important information. Your comments are definitely spot on in successful meaningful dating as well as preventative measures for being hurt on many levels.
Thank you Cynthia – very sweet of you to take the time to post. I wish you all the best in finding love, and let us know if you have any questions! Love, Bela
Well thought through reasoning
Thank you, Rosanne! Appreciate your thoughtful comment – we will post more that I hope you also find helpful. Love, Bela
I’m looking for a nice relationship I never been on a date I am asking you for your help please and thank you
Hi Javeel! Happy to help, and you’ll be great on a first date. Don’t stress out about it — just be yourself on a date. Before you go out with someone, know what kinds of qualities you are looking for (besides someone attractive), and be mindful of any red flags that come up. Take your relationships slow and steady, and you will definitely find someone. Keep watching our videos and advice here, and you can always check smartdatingacademy.com as well. Love, Bela
Thank you, Linda! We appreciate your kind words! Love, Bela
I have been dating a guy for a little while now but made a fau pas, I think by opening up my big mouth and expressing my disgust about something my mother said about him to him. She said he doesn’t make as much as i do and wonders if im gonna be taking care of him; that she obviously thought too highly of me if I settle for him. As an added, it turns out that he has had hurtful experiences in his past with his ex’a parents and this brings back those feelings. Now, he is withdrawn and is considering walking way because he doesn’t want to cause a rift. Admittedly, after having a lengthy conversation with both my parents, they now say, they only eant the best for me but how do I convince my partner to focus on us and not on them. He says ‘you marry the family when you marry the lady’, he also says because he lost his parents he wanted to be accepted by mine and now he can’t get this out of his head and i may now loose someone who has made me his priority and made me feel truly loved. I love how I feel around him and i suffer with depression and anxiety so he makes a huge difference in my day to day. What can I do?
This sounds so stressful, and I’m sorry you’re going through this. Mistakes happen, and one of the most important things to look for in a partner is someone who can forgive. How we navigate conflict and crisis early on is a signal of how it’ll be in the future too. If you’ve done everything you can to tell him that he’s great, and that you care for him/value him, it’s now up to him to let it go and love you. I hope this is helpful, and reach out if you need more! Love, Bela
I need help. I’ve been in too many toxic relationships.
Please set me up.
I’m older, I’m 54. Look young and can’t seem to choose a good man..
You’re not ‘older’ — 54 is a great age to date! Toxic relationships are so difficult, and you are not the only person who has gotten taken in to these, repeatedly. We help many people to fix their pickers, and it takes a lot of inner work and outer support to do that. I would recommend reading up on Toxic Men and Narcissists. We have a great free tip sheet on our website (www.smartdatingacademy.com) called “The 7 Clues That you May Be Dating A Narcissist.” Download it asap and hang it on your refrigerator. Read it daily and let it sink in so you can really start to see the signs as they happen. And, be happy, there are over 35 million singles over the age of 50 – so you’ve got millions of potential people to choose from! Love, Bela
Dating is more difficult than I dreamed. Married 34 yrs was widowed at 52, basically didn’t know how to date. Broke all the 5 rules quickly.
Dating sites is like using a human Sears & Roebuck catalog. So many to choose from, being able to master written verbal description to intice the viewer is the key.
Using caution is essential no one that is not within 25 miles. Very green behind the ears and mourning (didn’t see this thought I was handling my loss) got horribly scammed by a Nigerian. They know how to use the Stockholm Syndrome to get you under their thumb. This was a horrible lesson with online dating. If it looks too good to be true, then it isn’t true.
Being married 34 years is good enough. Love a 2nd time in life wasn’t meant to be.
I am so sorry that happened to you, Debbie, especially when you were still grieving. Someone being far away from you is a sign that they might be a catfisher (someone who is a scammer). I would like to do a video here called, “7 Signs of a Catfisher” so we can prevent people from falling prey to this. I’ve known many many people that this has happened to. Go to our website, and download “7 Clues You May Be Dating A Narcissist” so you can stay away from toxic guys, and if you want the signs of a catfisher, fill out a form on our site requesting it and I’ll make sure it’s sent to you. Love, Bela
Bella, I’ve been a widow for eight years and was married for 46 years when my husband died. I know what it means to love and be loved and I would love to find that again. I did meet someone and we cared a lot for each other but it was long distance and didn’t work out. I’m 72 yrs. young, in good health and love being active. It’s extremely hard at this age to meet someone. Any advice?
You sound wonderful, and yes it is possible to meet someone. It’s not easy, and usually never is (at any age, believe it or not). Keep trying online dating, real life activities, and getting set up by people, and most importantly, keep the faith that you will meet that special man. I’m sending you all of my best luck and keep us posted! Love, Bela
I started dating after a 5 year nightmare of a relationship I waited 2 years but now I’m still struggling. We used to have date night but now we just sit at home. I watch TV and he sleeps. He is so tired by the time he comes home he has no energy, then side jobs take up the weekends and my health takes over me all the way around. I could use someone to help talk and give me guidance.
I’m glad that you found someone, and hope that you can find a way to keep each other happy. It is an excellent idea to find someone to talk to. Find a good therapist (many take insurance), and talk with them on the phone first. You should feel comfortable with this person — and like their demeanor. If a therapist isn’t willing to talk on the phone beforehand, find another one who will. This person will help you to talk through your current feelings, and triggers that may be happening from your last bad relationship you referred to. And, give you tools to use with your current partner to get things back on track. Love, Bela
Thanks Bella for advice, and thanks to Steve for this site.
I too have broken all rules also.
I will listen and be educated from now in the future.
Thank you so much for your kind words — both Mr. Harvey and I appreciate them. We are so glad you will tune into this site and our videos for more education. Feel free to visit http://www.smartdatingacademy.com for more information about how to avoid narcissists (toxic men)! There is a pop up that you’ll see immediately – and the tip sheet is free. Can save you lots of heartache in the future. Wishing you all the best. Love, Bela
I love Bela and her tips – have followed her for years on Steve. More, please 🙂
I’m a 48 yr old woman that’s been single for 3yrs. I’m ready to date. What good advice you can give me. Please help!!!!
Hello bella, I’m in a relationship with this guy, he’s amazing and I love him so much, but for a while I felt he was cheating and I went through his phone and found some messages to a particular girl…. he loves me and shows it but I really don’t know how to handle what I saw…. I need your advice please
Hi there, I would love some advice on how to present myself in profiles. Ugh, I live in Europe, I wish you had a program here so I could sign up for your program ;). Anywho… besides the ‘tall’ filter, It also seems many people are stuck on finding ‘someone with goals and purpose’.
I have lived an ex-pat life for 28 years, raised two awesome human beings and thought goals and purpose were pretty sorted… until… in the span of two weeks it all blew out the window. While living in New Zealand, my partner informed me he no longer saw me in his future, news arrived from the Netherlands my father decided against dialysis which meant plans had to be rearranged so ex could attend my daughter’s wedding in the USA while I attended a funeral back in the homeland. Poof, gone where security, purpose and goals.
Now 4 years later, I am 54, single, and building a new life back in Europe with valuable life lessons learned. Not having to address someone else’s needs, I now get great value in pursuing the many different things that interest me, I am creative, I get joy out of being curious and experimental, and my current life goal is to be many things when I grow up and try out most things that come my way and intrigue me. For now, I am comfortable living this way.
I had some fun dating around… learned to spot and avoid the Peter Pan types along the way. Thing is… while new-agy in daily life expectations, relationship-wise I am old-fashioned, I am extremely loyal, yet independent, and believe in monogamy and traditional courting rituals. The problem I encounter is in relaying my qualities in a clear message in a dating profile. I am a Gemini, I adapt, I can be happy being a homebody and having great conversations with a nice beverage, playing a game or watching a movie. At the same time, stepping into the car at a minute’s notice and driving off to an unknown sudden adventure without planning or packing a bag gives me great joy as well, In other words, I can find joy in just about anything.
Apparently, my way of trying to explain myself as a person in a profile seems to confuse men… they either see this ‘Joie de Vivre’ attitude as lacking purpose/goals and too flaky or seem to think they might not be exciting enough for me. I certainly have goals of what I want my future to be (like retiring in a warm climate and living a simple life) and am working towards those goals on a financial level but meanwhile, I still have a few items on my bucket list and would love to find a confident masculine likeminded man join me while we still can.
How do I word all of this in a way that attracts the right person?
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